ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
