you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
