Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the liver wants what the liver wants
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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