what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just gift wrapped bread.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
