the condom got lost in my hair
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
