cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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