thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
