is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
