so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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