I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
