Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
