she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
