last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize