some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
