how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
