I'm gonna have a badass scar
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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