the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
