i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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