Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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