well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
