Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
