I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
