Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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