90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
