Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize