Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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