Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
