why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
