i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
