Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize
