Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
