I'm drive I can fine osifer
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
