I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
