I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
