Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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