it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
