# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
