i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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