Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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