I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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