passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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