i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
