yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
