and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
