Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
