Welp...herpes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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