I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
