I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
