she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
