seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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