I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
