just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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