I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
