I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm both gender and math confused
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
