WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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