I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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