Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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