wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
