Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
