I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
