so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wish there were birth control emojis
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
