I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
