3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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