? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
