it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
