so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize