he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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