doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
