I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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