Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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