were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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