Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
