Cold hands, warm shart.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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