I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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