You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
